So today I haven't really been feeling so well, and with that my brain has felt so heavy and yet so utterly empty all at once. I feel as though I have lost all functional thoughts and what remains is simple air. I also feel sad, not deeply sad, it is not even a concious sadness, what I suppose I am feeling is a growing, gnawing at me discontentment. I feel it when I imagine, I feel it when I try to sleep and all that remains is thoughts, lots and lots of thoughts. Often it is not a melancholy feeling at all but one of hope in the future and in all the uncertainty that surrounds. I know that in order to leave my lovely Berkhamsted and all its beauty God needs to lift me from my deep connections here, and I suspect that is what is at foot here but with it brings muddle. I know my loving Father will bring peace and it is totally my responsibility to lean heavily on Him in order to experience this peace. What I have done though, at times, instead of trusting Him is to over-think it all.
For today anyway, whilst my mind is somewhat of a mess I have this short poem....I had a need inside me to try and articulate my emotions somehow, and in two short minutes I produced this. It's nothing to be proud of really but reading it makes me so very happy-it makes sense for me today.
"My head feels like a cloud,
not even a defined space.
A vapour, a wisp, filled with
heavy water just waiting to
escape.
The dark presence, it looms,
threatens to disturb her.
It hangs, lingers, her life
still sunny until that moment
comes.
I don't even know how to think,
my mind like a useless weight.
So blank, obscured, all is
numb and dumb and not fun
anymore.
Her Father gently speaks,
immediately lifts the gloom.
Wise, tender, and when those
drops fall, there is also a
rainbow. "
Ciao x
No comments:
Post a Comment